Greetings, my lovelies! You all know how much yours truly adores vampires, right? Ok, maybe my adoration veers slightly into obsessive territory at times. Especially when it involves my beloved Dracula. But with vampires in general, I like to consider myself somewhat of an amateur scholar. So, when I was out amongst the dreaded public the other day and spied a Life Magazine collectors issue titled, “Vampires: Their Undying Appeal” I had no choice but to snatch a copy for myself!
I can say that most of the magazine was thoroughly entertaining. Obviously, not very much of the info was new to me, but I enjoyed reading it nonetheless. I understand that, when compiling any sort of anthology, not every writer is going to give it their all. Some are just hammering out words to make a paycheck. While I can forgive small discrepancies or mistakes, one inaccuracy was so blatant that I have deemed it blog worthy. (Yes, this is going to be a rant post, so either dig in for the ride or go back to scrolling through your TikTok feed.)
In a section that gave shout outs to memorable vampires from cinema and television, there was a mention of a 1915 silent film called “A Fool There Was.” I had never heard of this film, and this magazine was proclaiming it to be not only a vampire story, but one of the earliest live action depictions. I was intrigued! The article spoke of the film’s star, Theda Bara, who was billed as the “Vampire Lady”, and how “audiences were torn between a fear of the Vampire and a wild desire to have some of her strange power rub off on them.” The script was even said to be based on the 1897 poem “The Vampire” by Rudyard Kipling. (That should have been a clue to me of what was to come, but I held out optimism. Yeah, I was sorely mistaken. I’ll explain in a minute.)
I found the film on Amazon Prime (mine is a modern cemetery), and although it was only 58 minutes in length, I barely survived 40 minutes before skipping through to the end and fuming about having wasted my time. THIS IS NOT A VAMPIRE FILM. Not at all. Not in the fucking slightest. “But wait, Twisted Libra! You said it was based on a poem about vampires, right?” Um, no. The poem “The Vampire” is about a seductive woman who takes everything from a fool in love with her, and the term vampirism in this context refers to the unscrupulous exploitation, ruin, or degradation of another. I knew this going in, but figured maybe someone had put a blood-sucking twist onto this narrative. I couldn’t have been more wrong if I’d tried.
It’s a movie about a vamp (i.e. a seductress), that uses men for their money and social standing and sets her sights on a wealthy older man with a family. He is summoned to Europe on business, and she secures a seat on the same ocean liner (flight wasn’t yet a thing) so she can work her sexy magic on him. She ruins him and he loses everything. THAT’S IT. I should have known when her first scene took place in broad daylight. Of course, I assumed maybe she hadn’t turned yet. I soon realized what this was, and with no interest in completing it, skipped to the last scene and then shut it off.
My rant is, HOW THE HELL DID THE WRITER CONSIDER THIS A VAMPIRE FILM???
I suppose they did all their research through Wikipedia or Buzz Feed listicles or something. Were they too lazy to type the entire word vampire into the Google search? This film is about a vamp, yes, but not an actual undead vampire. It does not belong anywhere in this damn magazine. And I wasted my time watching this ridiculous story unfold. At least I can take solace in the fact that I didn’t know anything about this film because it isn’t vampire related in any way. To my knowledge, the earliest cinematic depiction of the vampire was 1922’s Nosferatu. Yes, it is thought by some that the 1905 French film Loïe Fuller alludes to a vampiric transformation, as it begins with a large bat landing on a lady, who then dances around in a gown that seemingly has wings. I consider this film to depict supernatural elements at best, but no actual turn to vampirism. If you ask me, Nosferatu is the first vampire movie.
Sorry. This was a rather long-winded rant, wasn’t it? You surely have better things to do and are probably now regretting getting involved. I’ll shut up now. If you are in search of a vampire film, you can skip A Fool There Was. Try one of the thousands of other films that are actually about vampires. I mean, there are about 200 films just about Dracula alone! Take your pick! And to the person who decided to include the Theda Bara flick: I hope your pillow is constantly warm on both sides. You know nothing about the genre. Go back to the clickbait articles you normally write and leave my beloved vampire genre alone.
Alright. Rant over. If you are still reading, thank you. I do tend to come unhinged when someone tramples on the vampire subject. If you see this Life magazine, I actually do recommend it. It was a fun read. While I could have done without the mislabeled film and an full 6 pages interviewing the writer of the garbage novels that became True Blood on HBO (which was a ridiculous series in itself; don’t get me started),overall the magazine delivered on vampiric entertainment. Speaking of entertainment, here is where you can find my not-garbage novels: Twisted Libra author page. You are going to love Madam Mortis!
I suppose I am all vamped out for now. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. Don’t forget to subscribe, I promise I am not always this bitchy. I am just staunchly defensive of vampire lore, etc. My posts are typically more light hearted, I swear. Sign up, and be sure to visit my cemetery for more wickedly delightful creations. Until next time…
Dancing Among the Remains 