Welcome back to the cemetery, my lovelies! I am writing this from my newly redecorated goth nook. I spent all day yesterday (literally about eleven hours) rearranging furniture, building a new shelf, hanging artwork, reorganizing, and generally just exploding my goth touch all over everything in my little creepy space.
I feel so cozy and at peace in here now. I feel like myself again! So, why have I not done this already? I have lived here for a year and a half. Well…the day job was sucking my will to live. Until yesterday, I had unknowingly been locked in survival mode. I was initially excited for the job when it came into my life. It is what I needed at the time, and it brought me here to Richmond. I love my life here. However, after the new wore off, I realized that job was draining me. It was technically a 40 hour a week gig, but it became all day, seven days a week, and I was consumed by it. My brain lost all creative ability. Any second I wasn’t working. I found myself thinking about work. I gave more than I ever got, and without realizing it, I put my passion on hold. True, I have blogged in that time, and I have done a few creative things here and there, but not like I wanted. You know how I shut down and die a little each summer due to the awful weather? It was like that all the time for me. You may be wondering, what changed? Why was yesterday so significant?
Your beloved Twisted Libra has scored herself a new day job.
I have known for a few weeks, but I haven’t really been telling anyone. But as of tomorrow morning, I am giving my two week notice at the soul-sucking void. So yesterday I stepped away from all things work related and took the entire day for myself. I have not done that since I began this job nearly two years ago. It felt good to finally disconnect and just be myself. I plan to do the same today. As for the new gig, it starts later in September and it is going to be a LOT less stressful. It will also afford me more time off each week to once again explore my passion of all things macabre! To say I am happy is a huge understatement. I feel like I am getting my life back! (And just in time for spooky season, too!)
Yesterday was a great day. Today looks to be the same. My future is brighter than ever. This Libra is fucking happy! New job, new work space, new outlook, and new chapter. I am so stoked to see what this journey brings!
Before you go, please peruse the obligatory self-promotion links:
Welcome back to the cemetery, my lovelies! Today, I am lost in delicious contemplation of the book I am currently devouring. It is a deep dive into the psychology behind the creation of the Dracula novel:
Yes, I am still reading it. Finding time to sit and focus on reading has proven difficult these last several weeks, but I promise I am only a few chapters from being done. Anyway, the other day I read a passage that spoke about the sexual undertones of the characters and how they reflect upon Victorian societal norms. The part that really caught my attention was the discussion of Lucy Westenra. For those unfamiliar with the story (and in all honesty, if you are not at all familiar with Dracula, how the hell did you find this blog?), Lucy is a young Victorian socialite who exudes beauty and flirtatious confidence. She entertains three male suitors, ultimately choosing one as her fiancé. She is bold, yet a bit naïve, but ultimately wishes for more freedom in her choices and actions.
Lucy represents the type of thinking that, unfortunately, was deemed “unsuitable” in Victorian society. Based on what we know of Bram Stoker, he was supportive of the repressive views on women, their inherent sexuality, and just sexuality in general. Lucy’s desire to love and marry three men, so as not to have to choose, along with her bold flirtation, ultimately lead to what seemed to be her punishment in the novel. She was sought out by Dracula, repeatedly violated without her knowledge or consent, and transformed into a wanton, lustful creature of the night that fed on the innocent. Her demise was brought about by the very three men she loved, with her chosen suitor staking her in the heart while the others decapitated her corpse. One could posit that being run through with a phallic object (the stake) could be viewed as Arthur penetrating Lucy in a sexual sense. The others, particularly Jack, cutting off her head might be viewed as a type of revenge for her rejection. In the end, this part of the story is, on the surface, a vampire being destroyed and her soul being saved; in a deeper context, this is a group of men claiming ownership over a woman that dared to challenge the societal norms. Stoker believed that a love of home, family, and domestic duty was all a woman should feel passion for. The idea of the “new woman” that Mina and Lucy discuss stands in stark defiance of these ideas. Stoker painted Lucy as an example of what awaits a woman who dared to defy the traditional female role.
The takeaway here is, ultimately, that your beloved Twisted Libra would have never survived in Victorian society. Alright, that’s not the entire takeaway…but it amuses me to know I would have been an outcast in a time period for which I have always been fond. As for the sexual undertones of the novel, I honestly never gave them much thought before; however, reading this analysis has opened my eyes on many facets of the story. This was already my favorite novel, but now it is even more so. Lucy was punished for expressing desire and seeking freedom. Stoker characterized her as well as the three brides (if you are confused here, read the damn book already) with blatant sexuality and appeal, yet he dominated and destroyed these women in the end. I can’t help but feel that, on some level, he was repressing his own desires for the “new woman” of the era; that Lucy and the brides exuded qualities he wished he could openly appreciate. Anger at his own repression caused him to punish these women in his writings.
I’m not man-bashing here, honestly. I am not even trying to paint Stoker as the bad guy; he was a product of his environment. The real issue lies within society as a whole. What constitutes offense should never be collectively decided upon. Offense is subjective. Individuals should be allowed to live their lives without adherence to what others deem acceptable. As the late, great Papaw Libra used to say, “Your rights end where mine begin.” He felt like other people should be allowed to live as they pleased, so long as they didn’t expect him to live as they pleased.
I have never fit into the “traditional woman” category. I’m allergic to children, for fucks sake. I support freedom of choice, expression, and speech for everybody, not just women. I was never comfortable with the idea of being the quiet submissive who caters to everyone else’s needs but never her own. I feel submission and dominance within a relationship should be equal and function with more of an “ebb and flow” versus a static hierarchy. I won’t dive further on this because Libra Mom reads this sometimes and there are some things a mother just doesn’t need to know about her kid. Suffice it to say, I am pretty open about things like sexuality, desire, and personal ideals over societal ideals. Fuck the traditional views. Traditions are just a way for previous generations to control your life. Be unapologetically you, my lovelies!
Before you go, please enjoy the obligatory self-promotions:
I feel alive. More alive than I have in a while. Many positive changes are in motion for your beloved Twisted Libra. I will divulge more detail soon. Just know I am happy and the creative spark is returning. I wrote a new poem tonight. I am getting the itch to publish my next book. I might try to drag my ass out to Hollywood Cemetery tomorrow, even if I just do a drive through. My knee is not yet fully healed. Walking the cemetery would be ill-advised. I am more in touch with the version of myself I have longed to be. It is finally time for this little Libra to shine.
I plan to work on this, for I truly feel it is not finished. Let me know what you think. Here are the obligatory self-promotion links. Thanks for stopping by today!
Welcome back to the cemetery, my lovelies! Today, your beloved Twisted Libra decided to move forward with an upgrade to the online portrait gallery. The previous version just held static images; you couldn’t enlarge, and they were not watermarked. I chose to set up a Google photo album and link it to the website. Easy peasy. Then I opened my Adobe Photo Express to add watermarks to my images. Guess which feature Adobe hasn’t added to the latest desktop version?
It should be there. It should work. It simply doesn’t. And apparently Adobe doesn’t know when they will have it functional. Their solution? Open each image in Adobe Express and add my own watermarks, editing the opacity and placement manually. This is painstakingly tedious. I managed to edit about fifteen images before I decided I can add more later. My current watermarks look like shit, but I am too overwhelmed at this point to revise them. That can be done later. If I try now, I might just rage quit the entire site and delete everything.
Suffice it to say, this did not go smoothly. However, I really want to improve my online presentation, so I will definitely be working on this more in the coming weeks. In the meantime, if you have any feedback on the current state of the gallery, I welcome it. Also, if you or anyone you know can make a functional voodoo doll of whomever designed the current version of Photoshop Express, let a Libra know.
That’s all I have for today. Just a rant. I am going to go read for the rest of the day. If you need to add to your TBR, check out my books over on the Barnes and Noble site:
Since my knee surgery last week, I have been dwelling on the concept of “normal.” People keep talking about my return to normal in regards to my mobility. I am healing quite well, but this journey has taught me that everyone has their own internal concept of how things should be. I doubt I will return to the exact person I was before the procedure; I now have a greater understanding of and appreciation for my body and my abilities. This experience has forced me to look at everything in my life and evaluate whether or not I was on the right path.
My day job, my writing, my self-expression…was I being true to myself in all aspects of my life? The overwhelming response was, no. I’ve remained far too long at a day job that drains my very soul. I have allowed my writing to sit on the back burner for longer than I’d realized. I had forgotten how much I enjoy dark manicures and subtle makeup. For months, I was basically going shit-house with my hair constantly pulled back and a bare face. I understand not giving a fuck what people think, but damn I had kind of let myself go. I wasn’t happy like that. Being true to myself means change is afoot!
Your beloved Twisted Libra is no longer settling for simple contentment. I am taking more control over my life and my happiness. I am looking for a job that allows a better work/life balance than the one I currently have. I am making time to write again. I got my nails done yesterday, and they look like a slice of burgundy/purple heaven. I am slowly starting back with exercise, though my range of motion is limited. Still, I have to start somewhere. I feel like I have moved into a new era. I am ready to crank things back up to eleven.
Thank you for letting me rant a little today. I needed it. Before you go, why not check out my books over on Barnes & Noble’s website?
Your beloved Twisted Libra has been maimed. Part of me is forever removed. My suffering has been long and painful.
Okay, perhaps I am being just a tad dramatic. I had knee surgery. My ortho doc removed damaged cartilage and several bone spurs. Recovery has been painful, yes, but I seem to be progressing nicely. My knee is swollen and bruised, and I now know that you need not worry about me ever succumbing to an opioid addiction. Those pain meds make me feel like garbage. Why would anyone chase that feeling? It boggles me. Thankfully, those are demons with which I shall never be saddled. On the lighter side, I have recently graduated from crutches to cane. I chose a simple black cane, of course. I’d like to think I look like this:
However, I’m pretty sure it’s more like this:
Let’s not kid ourselves, here. I have never been a bastion of sophistication. Why start now? Being bedridden was humbling. I am fiercely independent, and these last few weeks I have had to rely greatly on Libra Hubs. Shout out to that man. He wouldn’t be comfortable with too much focus being put on him here, so suffice it to say he is amazing as a partner in this life and I am grateful.
I don’t have much else to say right now. Those dreaded pain meds have made thinking and focusing quite difficult. I imagined my convalescence including a deep indulgence into my TBR; however, most days it is all I can do to zone out to a movie or television show. Reading has been a no-go. I won’t even begin to tell you how long this post has taken to write. It’s rather embarrassing. I find myself hunting and pecking the keys like someone’s great grandma. My brain is apparently on sabbatical.
Hopefully I can return soon with a fresh brain and concise thoughts. Until then, look for my books online at Barnes & Noble!
Hello, my lovelies. I apologize for the extended absence. Your adorable Twisted Libra has had quite a few matters requiring my attention as of late. However, I find myself free and full of thought on this dreary Saturday morning. I do tend to thrive in dreary weather. Of course, as I currently reside in the American South, I will enjoy said dreariness from the side of my window that is awash in air conditioning. In layman’s terms, it’s hot as balls outside. No, thank you.
Geographical weather atrocities aside, how have you all been? Well enough, I hope. There are some possible changes on the horizon for your beloved Twisted Libra; none that bear discussion here, at least not now. However, if things go as I am hoping, I foresee much more time for writing and creating. These things have been on the back burner of my life for far too long. I suppose any writer who does not make their living off their work has run into this very predicament: the day job taking up any spare mental bandwidth, and the spark of creativity slowly dimming while life begins to revolve around a profession that is lightyears away from what you dream of doing. Okay, now I’m getting depressed. None of that. We are having a good day here in the cemetery!
If you’ve been here more than a minute, you know I am an avid reader. It’s possible I exited the womb with a novel in hand, but Libra Mom has yet to confirm such a tale. Regardless, although I read quite voraciously, I feel I fail to discuss those books here as often as perhaps I should. My current read has me riveted. I almost didn’t want to put it down to write this post, but alas the muse beckoned. It’s titled, “Dracula: The Novel and the Legend.” It’s an academic study of the classic Bram Stoker story written by Clive Leatherdale.
Version 1.0.0
Lately, I have discovered my captivation by academia focused on vampire lore and the Dracula novel. True, I have read a few academic vampire books in the past, but something recently has been awakened in me that draws me towards this type of literature with a fierceness. I recently finished reading “Dracula: The Shade and the Shadow,” which is a compilation of academic essays edited by the (in my opinion) legendary Elizabeth Miller that demonstrates a thorough discussion of Dracula that treads heavily into philosophic territory. That collection awakened something in me, and lately I find myself devouring vampiric academia.
I should share more often about what I read and why. My current TBR pile is embarrassingly high, so I doubt I will run out of discussion materials any time soon. No, this isn’t becoming a book blog; I simply feel I should speak out more often about the books I enjoy. As a writer, it almost seems a moral imperative. Perhaps you will begin to see more glimpses into the literary appetite of the Twisted Libra. In the meantime, you can satiate your own literary appetite with books written by yours truly. The move from Amazon (boo, hiss) to Barnes & Noble (yay!) has been successful. You can now find my work online at this link:
Unfortunately, that search always seems to include one book that isn’t mine. Something about a twisted zodiac. Hell, buy that one, too. Support the author, whoever she is. Also, if you don’t already, go ahead and subscribe to this blog. I promise no spam, and (as you can see) I don’t post every day so you won’t be annoyed by notifications or emails.
Seriously, my lovelies, I have been a shitty writer lately and all I feel I deserve is a sarcastic golf clap. I have had nearly two weeks of freedom from the day job, and I have written fuck all. Hell, I haven’t even read anything. I finally have the time to devote to my passion, and my goddamn brain shuts down.
Why does this happen? Why am I not hammering out a full-length novel, or halfway through my TBR pile? I hate my brain sometimes, man. Now here I sit, three days left of my vacation, and I am just now able to cough up a blog post. This sucks. My brain is a total asshole.
I did succeed in moving all my books away from Amazon. I unpublished them a few days ago. They may still show as available, since Amazon may still have copies. When those sell out, though, my work will no longer be for purchase on Amazon. Yes, I know this will limit my reach, but I am not okay with many things about that company; mainly, the way they treat indie authors. Things look incredibly easy over there, but if you read the fine print, they are truly trying to take ownership of your work. If you don’t protect yourself, you could end up in a real bind. Greedy fuckers. My work is now available through Barnes & Noble’s online store. Hopefully soon, I will branch out to other book sellers. Each listing requires a new ISBN, and those aren’t cheap. So, for now, you can purchase my work here:
I suppose that is all I have for you today, my lovelies. If you haven’t yet, go listen to me babble about myself on a recent episode of the From Page to Scream podcast! They are incredible! I am like the little nerd that got taken in by the cool kids. Their podcast is definitely worth following.
And lastly, if you don’t already subscribe to this lovely blog, please do so:
Dancing Among the Remains 